when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
