found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Never joke about your clitoris.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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