we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
