PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
