I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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