is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My sheets look like a crime scene.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
