I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
