i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
