She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Pappa wants mamma naked
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
