So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.