this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
