Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
Too much gin, very little bucket
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
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Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney