Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I stole a fireplace last night.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize