They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?