Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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