I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
