i think my tv is drunk
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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