Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
