are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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