so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
