im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
