Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
