I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
