Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Too much gin, very little bucket
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
