What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just found puke in my bra..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
