Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
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better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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