How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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