I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Boobs speak an international language.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i need some magic done to my vagina
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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