fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
