Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
