barbara walters just said penis...
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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