Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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