Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
