i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
