I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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