This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
