when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
