this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
