just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
