In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So drunk its hurt
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
