smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
