I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
