"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
