Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
