Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
