I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
