Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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