i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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