A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
