Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
