I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
