im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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