K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
