Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
