i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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