I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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