she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
