At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
