We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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