I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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