Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
