I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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