I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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