Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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