stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
