im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
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Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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