I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
