i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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