The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
