i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
