My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
