I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
