4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize