I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
