That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
