I'm really into asian looking animals
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
