I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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